After being very involved with the online alternative fashion community, I took a huge step back in all of my activity. I had a very interesting last few months of 2014.

I ran the first year of RuffleCon successfully with my closest friends. My personal finances took a dip. My relationship with my husband went from non-existent to amazing. But most importantly – I lost my only sibling, my brother, and about a half hour later, I gave birth to my only child, my daughter.

To say I was a whole mix of emotions from depressed to elated is an understatement.

My interest in life went to zero. I was getting emails about my old blog that I literally laughed at because I kept thinking, “Really? Is that so important?” – I just had no desire to express myself whatsoever. I went into my little cocoon, and I did not plan on coming out. With my towel ready to throw, I was done being a part of the world. Being a part of anything was the last thing on m mind.

To be honest, the community got to me too. I was tired of seeing myself being torn apart by girls half my age who had no idea what they were talking about. My friends who had given so much voluntarily to the community in many ways were being stepped all over as well. And for what? What drives you to want to make the community a better place to be when it feels like you are always meeting resistance? The idea of this warm bubble that once existed was dismantled. Community? More like a pack of wolves. After everything that had happened to me personally, there was no desire to provide more fodder.

I deleted all my online presence related to my old blogging profile. It is not that I removed it because I was trying to take away what I had accomplished in my time under that blog, but more that I was no longer that person. Seeing that blog and what I used to write was no longer a representation of the type of person I was. The person who ran that blog no longer existed. I was completely different.

Almost a year later after everything happened, I have slowly opened myself back up. My perspective is different, and I do miss the creativity that was sparked from blogging, especially in the alternative fashion world. I can only hope that my old followers accept this new view, and my new followers can enjoy what is to come. This is me not giving up on the world, and hoping that I can pull together some semblance of a life again in a culture I am still incredibly passionate about underneath my personal pain.

I do not think I will be jumping back on the survey wagon again (sorry!), even though my inbox was flooded with “where did the surveys go?”. Not really sure what this new blog will be at all for the moment, but I hope that I can continue to write about what inspires me about alternative fashion to help me break through what is going on in my personal life. Hopefully you will enjoy the journey! :)

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